Breaking UP

I think I'm too nice. I don't know how to break up with someone. I tend to worry about how the other persons feelings will be effected.
I'm in a wonderful relationship now and actually plan on marrying this man...BUT there is another person.
I still stay in contact with my high school sweetheart. I've tried to cut it off with him, but I always end up talking to him. Nothings ever happened between us (lately), at least not since college. We're just friends.
I stopped contacting him and told him that I was in a serious relationship and that it probably wasn't such a good idea for us to be talking, but he still emails me from time to time. I send a polite reply and keep my answers short. I don't want something to happen that I might regret.
How do you break up with someone? I've known him since I was 7!! We've been really good friends for years. I feel like I'm disrespecting my fiance though by responding to his emails. I don't want to hurt my exs feelings either. Perhaps I shouldn't concern myself with his feelings at all, but I'm not that kind of person.



October 22, 2008 at 3:32 PM

You capitalized the word BUT which worries me. If you are harboring feelings towards this man then getting married to someone else may be setting you up for failure and heartbreak.

Ann, I know you just read my last post because you responded to it. Nothing should be placed above your partner. Especially another man in your case. And especially an ex. Get a new email address and stop all contact. He doesn't seem to be getting that you are spoken for. Or are you? And you are right, you are disrespecting your fiance'. Just my opinion. It's still up to you how you handle it.


October 22, 2008 at 7:10 PM


I gotta agree with MPH on sound as though you're afraid, that the possibility of something could actually happen. What is your fear Ann? Maybe, I'm totally off-base here, but that's how your post reads. If you're being honest with Ann, and you're afraid, then face that fear, don't run from it.

If you're secure in your present relationship, perhaps what you sense (your fear), is that this ex wants to pursue you.

You control this situation Ann, and it can be stopped by being honest with yourself and with the ex. Tell him about the man in your life, and tell him, "if he has any respect and feelings for you, then move on with his life, because you've moved on with your's, and it doesn't include him". That may sound harsh Ann, but, it's the best thing you could do for him, instead of allowing him to fantasize about a make believe possibility with you.


October 23, 2008 at 11:12 AM

you guys are so right! i know you are. i have no feelings for my ex at all. its just that we've known each other since we were kids. i thought we could remain friends, but i'm not 100% sure that's what he would agree to. he knows about my current love and doesn't say anything negative about him ever. i just feel really bad about talking to him without my fiance knowing. i've tried to break it off with him many times. i'll tell him not to email me, but he does it anyway. around holidays and my birthday. then we start emailing back and forth for a few days. then nothing until the next holiday.
and i can't exactly change my email. it's a work email!
what should i do now. i think i should just ignore him. do you think that would work?


October 29, 2008 at 11:31 PM

I can relate to this, and I hope my advice will be helpful I've been in a happy relationship for 3 years now and I had the same problem with one of my ex's. he knew I wasn't interested in him, but he still kept messaging me at random, unexpected times and claiming to still have feelings for me and wanting to see me again. we were still technically friends, so I didn't want to be mean and completely blow him off, but at the same time my current relationship means too much to me and I wouldn't want anybody or anything to ruin that. after years of struggling with what to do about this, I just stopped all connections with him. I changed my e-mail and messenger so that he has no other way of contacting me. it may seem like a "cold shoulder" way of doing things, but sometimes you have to put yourself in front. this relationship you have sounds like something that you shouldn't let go of and you shouldn't let this other guy get in the way of your happiness. it's not necessarily being mean, but you have to look out for yourself too.


November 11, 2008 at 11:54 PM

This is a really good post. It's nice to see other people being so open and honest about what's going on in their lives.

I think your first confrontation should be with your ex. Find out his intentions and don't let him beat around the bush. If he can honestly be strictly friends then there's no harm in keeping an old friend around.

The 2nd confrontation should be with your fiance. Tell him you've been in contact with an old friend and you want them to meet each other so that he is comfortable with who your male friends are. If ya'll are meant to be then it will work out.

I'm new here and I'd really like some feedback on my own site. It has some adult content, but nothing crude or pornographic.

It'd be really great to get some adult feedback.